he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
well you can't waste a boner
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
