Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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