Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
