pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dick very happy bro
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Randomize
