i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
