every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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