Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
