happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
