I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
