i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Randomize
