Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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