I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
