He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
