we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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