Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
