shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
