It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
