I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
