Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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