saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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