The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
