I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I deserve to be covered in dicks
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
