Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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