Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
