took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
