3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
