We tried having a conversation with our noses.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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