Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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