i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize
