and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
