if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
