his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
