If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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