She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
