Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
did i walk over a car last night?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
