Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
