you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
