i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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