wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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