I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
