Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
