Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
