He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
