i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
