just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
