I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
