12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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