Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I intend to get homeless drunk
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
