i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
