I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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