College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
