Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Four minutes until I can fart!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
