I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
