I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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