so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
