the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
